Dear hair

It’s been almost 40 years since you and I have been together, from which 38 had to pass for me to accept you as you are.

I don’t remember at what age I became aware of how you, my hair looked. I remember being constantly confused with a boy, but I didn’t quite comprehend the why. 

By the age of 6 or 7, I was well aware I looked different from the other girls, who had long gorgeous hair, I was made fun of by the other kids and sometimes older people too, who continue to say that I was a boy and all I could do was wish I had different hair, one like the other little girls had long, straight hair. There was one in particular who had amazing hair, her name was María Natalia, she had long blond hair, with the right amount of curls, not a lot, just a few, just perfect. The very opposite of how you looked.

You were kept really really short for the longest time by my mom, so short the curls couldn’t even fully formed. My guess is that she, having 2 other girls didn’t have the time or patience to care for you and I was too little to know how to.

The process of forgiveness and understanding has been long, and until recently I didn’t know the amount of hurt and trauma you and I were carrying. 

Just going through the long process of letting you grow long was a trauma, all of the laughter and bullying that I got because, let’s face it, we looked like a sponge that would grow up and up and not to the sides and down. It would take a lot of pins and hair bands to keep you down and still, the comments kept coming. Then when you were finally long it came the ridiculous amount of hair gel that I used on you so we wouldn’t show any volume, after all, we already had done quite a show with the growing part, all strands had to be down and under control to be what you weren’t so that everybody including myself would accept you. After that we had several faces and very questionable styles, all of them always trying to keep you, from being you.

It was until I was 37-38 that I started to finally love you as you are, each and every single fiber. So glorious, and beautiful! 

You can finally be loose and free, without asking permission to no one of how to be, without comparison, you are free at last. The truth is you were trapped because I couldn’t love you, I couldn’t love myself. 

When I tell this story to other people I don’t think they get the importance and depth that you have, that importance of letting you be as you are. Free, uncontrolled, abundant, that lets itself be seen, felt, and admired. 

Now, I can give you care, attention, and love. I can clearly see that you are a reflection of myself and my journey and evolution. I am so grateful that I was able to let those doors be open, let yourself be shown for who you have always been, I wasn’t letting you and, you were hiding not only from others but from me as well.

But know this, I can see you now, I can love you now, and I no longer wish to have someone else's hair. You were and always have been perfect. I appreciate you, just as you are, extra curly, wild, and free.